Sexy meanderings.

Jul 14

I don’t get this whole tumblr thing.

Jul 13

Bittersweet.

When you hijack the musical collection of a current paramour, and he dumps you shortly thereafter. And you realize later how much you love the music.

I’m a big fan of using current man friends for their musical collection. Exploit that at least, so you get out of it with something besides your dignity because we all know you never escape with that shit.

Jun 16

[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]

I dare you not to like this song. Or it’s sentiments.

Call in the airstrike, tell them to make the drop
and now she ate a cycle no-one but you can stop
Would it be fair to say that you’re in love with love?
And is that enough?

I bet you feel really potent stuff
the shadows of doubt on how things turn out
are typically gray

But even the stucco on the wall
is right two times a day
and it’s still enough

Just how much distance means we’re on our own?
and can we be happy
Happy alone?

The universe opens up the door
and we go right in, it’s there, it’s new, it’s cool
it’s something we ain’t seen before

And five minutes in
an egg timer rings
to clip off our carefree flapping wings
show us the things we can’t afford
and throw us overboard
but it’s still enough.

Just how much distance means we’re on our own?
until i see you off at home
down the sidewalk in my head
I might be sinking like a stone
but perfectly happy
just openly happy

In my home, I’ve always known
I gotta be happy alone
so burn the mail, destroy the phone
yeah, I’d wanna be happy alone
the moving sky, the rocks below
All so perfectly happy alone

Our little hearts have turned to stone
I’d better be happy alone.

Apr 19

Pinupgirlclothing.com has absolutely the best selection of retro bathing suits around. Last year I bought this one in black. And pink. And leopard. I am nuts. The best part of this story is, they are fairly unwearable for the beach, as they are made of stretchy polyester and you’d sweat your tits off. So I have yet to wear any of them. Damn, I used to waste some serious money on some amazingly cute shit that has no real value whatsoever.

ETA: Resolved: I’m rocking this on Long Beach the first chance I get to go to there this year.

I think underwear posts get one followers! So I will post this and say, holy crapsticks I want this swimsuit badly! But $290 Agent Provocateur? Seriously?

I have a whole load of Agent Provocateur lingerie that I only buy when they have a sale and it’s reduced up to 80%. And I have absolutely no one to wear it for, nor have I had anyone to wear it for, for some time. Woe is me.

I often find myself watching “Most Shocking” on TruTV! Quality programming, and here’s evidence. An angry ostrich chases a film crew. For some reason I found it hilarious, even though, according to the clip, ostriches are killers!

Gotta go, I’m missing a rampaging elephant.

minou:

For most of my adult life, I have just worn this.

Age 33. This bra is not cutting it anymore. Seriously, American Apparel: I’ve been real good to you over the years. Would it kill you to make something with a tiny bit more support?

That’s, um, not me in the picture.

I have a few of these too. I consider these “Bras Lite.” I wear them when I don’t really want to go full on braless but it’s too hot or I’m feeling too constrained by my normal underwires and I want a little support. Luckily my ladies are still pretty pert, but it’s true these do not support very much. But they are pretty damn comfy.

Mar 31

Asshole Job Listing O'The Day

I don’t get it, does having a job available give one the right to be a complete asshole? Some job listings I read are utterly maddening. Here’s a good one. There are so many glorious things about this ad, from Craigslist. Everyone send a mock reply and be sure to be a total dickhead. Rickroll them. Sign them up for porno spam.

1. The job listing is for a “Senior Litig. Paralegal or J.D.” Translation: We’ll take you if you are an actual attorney even though this is a paralegal position and we will pay you accordingly (shit).

2. “In either case, you must be able to work a minimum of M-F from 8:30 a.m. to 6:30 p.m. and some weekend and evening hours as needed.” Translation: We will own your ass.

3. “We are only interested in receiving applications from candidates who meet our criteria, which include an ability to follow the instructions in this ad for applying.” Translation: We reserve the right to talk down to you and treat you like a moron.

4. “You must have a can-do spirit and understand the value of the opportunity to work on the frontlines of sophisticated federal civil class action litigation.” Translation: You must kiss our asses. We are legal gods. You are mere peons.

5. “A Successful Application Will Consist of (and Only of):” Translation: Screw this up, we dare you. We want you to fail so we can reject you and feel superior.

6. “A three-paragraph ‘cover letter’ that is pasted into your email reply. The first paragraph should state your reason for applying, with specific reference to your suitability for our Firm (including the requirement that you be good with numbers, fast and efficient with Excel and all kinds of computer software, and able to organize and make sense of large volumes of data). In this paragraph, we expect not empty cookie-cutter statements about your ‘strong interpersonal and communication skills’, ‘multitasking ability’ ‘commitment to excellence’, etc. but concrete facts that show you are different from the pack and can immediately contribute to our operations. In the second paragraph, please indicate (1) your current position (Confidentiality assured), (2) salary/benefits package and (3) your earliest start date. The third paragraph will explain your transition from one job/educational pursuit to the next, concluding with your current situation. If you are currently without a position, you should explain what you have been doing since your last position.” Ha! “Cover letter” in quotes. These people are veritable idiots. But you are unemployed so you can eat shit. Tell them why you are so exquisitely suited to eat their particular flavor of shit, or be gone!

7. The best part: “The subject line of reply email must contain only the following: (1) the last name of the judge who is presiding over our case against Bank of America and (2) the amount of money the Bank transferred from the 401(k) Plan to the Pension Plan in what we contend were unlawful transactions. (You will find this information on our website).” They are testing you! Can you find their website and cut and paste this relevant information into a subject line? They only want that calibre of doormat candidate. Fuck this up and they will mock you ceaselessly.

Up your ass, Gottesdiener Law Firm, PLLC! I may be unemployed but I do have some shred of dignity left, and I will not be your dancing monkey, for a paralegal position no less.

Job O’ The Day

Work for the Internal Revenue Service as a Criminal Investigator/Special Agent! The only requirements: A Master’s Degree, JD or LLM, for one. Not to worry, if you don’t have this, you can supplant it with “specialized experience” such as being the “leader of a military intelligence or criminal investigative team” bla bla bla. Whatever. I went to LAW SCHOOL, so I am at least minimally qualified, according to the listing. That obviously prepared me to “participate in raids…interview witnesses and interrogate suspects….perform seizures of contraband, equipment and vehicles…make arrests…be proficient in the use of firearms…be skilled in unarmed defense…”

I want to use my law degree to kick some ass! Who knew the IRS tore shit up? Applying. Now.

I’ve been hiding my fucking face from the world. Canceling plans with friends, avoiding my family. Full of shame. I lost my goddamn job. A sweet-ass job, making lots of money at a fancypants law firm. Sure, I hated it. But I was supporting myself, and then some. And I was “successful.” From the Ivy League, to a year at a women’s rights legal non-profit organization, to a Top Tier law school, to a prestigious career practicing law. Everything was going right for me, career-wise.

This was not part of the plan.

I’ve devolved. I’ve entered a downward spiral of depression, self-loathing, sleeping too much, and feeling sorry for myself. I’m scared most of the time. I don’t know how I’ll support myself if I don’t find something relatively soon. There are so few jobs out there. I have mountains of law school debt to repay. I’m not even sure what I want to do. But I do want the chance to practice law in some capacity. I thought going to law school meant never having to be in this position, never having to worry about how I was going to pay the rent.

I’ve lost my spark. I’m a shell of my former self. This shit has got to end.

Sexy meanderings.

You know you want a piece of this.

Bittersweet.

Asshole Job Listing O'The Day